saying feminism is unnecessary because you don’t feel oppressed is like saying fire extinguishers are unnecessary because your house isn’t on fire
the legends foretold of a mystical hat with otherworldly powers; it gifted the user with stunning abilities, including the manipulation of heaven and earth itself. it so happened that this hat was lost to the world for centuries until a small ship of brave explorers, embarking from the eastern coast of africa, heard of the legend and set off to find it.
they traveled for many days and many nights, braving harsh weather and dangerous waters, monsters of lore lurking around every turn. finally, they arrived at their destination, a small island in the middle of the indian ocean. the captain kissed the shores when he arrived, reveling in the feel of solid ground underneath his feet.
shortly thereafter, he and his crew discovered the cave in which the hat was supposedly hidden. they waded through a murky swamp full of hidden dangers and crawled through narrow passageways, nearly losing one of their crew to an abrupt cliff edge. they eventually emerged into a clear and sunny glade, an opening in the stone ceiling above letting in beams of sunlight. a wizened old woman sat in the middle of the grassy clearing, ancient eyes creaking open to balefully stare at the sailors in front of her.
"i see you’ve come to take my treasure," she croaked in a voice as old as the hills, gnarled fingers gesturing towards the brim of her hat. solemn, but brimming with bottled energy, the crew nodded in unison. the captain stepped forth and bowed respectfully to the old woman.
"please," he murmured, "allow us the honor."
she heaved a sigh and the whole world seemed to rumble in response.
"very well," she said at last, removing the hat from her head. "i suppose you’ve earned it. but! i must warn you—it is imperative that the hat fits the wearer’s head. if the sizes do not match, there may be dangerous consequences."
the captain nodded and graciously accepted her gift, allowing her to adjust the size of the hat accordingly. almost at once, he felt alive with a new sense of power, tingling through his entire body from head to toe. he whirled around to face his expectant crew, a bright smile on his face.
"onwards!" he cried joyfully, and his crew cheered in response. they thanked the old woman, and set out to sea once again.
for many years and many moons they led a peaceful existence, charting the seas and helping those who were hurt or lost. the captain could bend nature to his will with his cap, and the crew never suffered through another loss with their newfound ability to stop stormy weather.
however, one day, a treacherous ship of pirates heard of this treasure and their scoundrel of a captain became obsessed with finding it. he searched for months and months, interrogating every sailor they came across, until one day he spotted his quarry.
"there!" he exclaimed, pointing to the small boat floating along the still and quiet waves in the dead of night. immediately, his raucous crew began firing upon the boat, quickly capturing it and all the sleepy sailors on board. the pirate captain ripped open the cabin of the captain and spotted the hat immediately. with a crow of triumph, he knocked out and kidnapped their captain, dragging him aboard his own ship despite the cries of the small crew.
bound and gagged, the captain of the african ship awoke to the sight of the pirate captain with the hat on his own head, cackling into the storm. mad with power, he summoned wave after wave and cloud after cloud, turning the surface of the ocean into a treacherous whirlpool. eyes flying open, the hat’s true owner tried to yell out and struggled against his bonds, but it was to no avail.
the pirate captain’s gestures grew more and more erratic and soon his laughter died off into panicked gasping.
"what’s happening?" he cried out, the waves coming more violently, the rain pouring down in buckets onto the wooden planks of his ship. the boat rocked dangerously back and forth on the waters, out of control. "why can’t i stop?"
a sharp gust of wind finally ripped the gag off of the prisoner’s mouth, and he took in a sharp inhale before screaming out his answer.
"CAP SIZE!" he finally yelled out in a panic as crashing waves overtook and overturned the ship, dragging him, his captors, and his magical hat under the roiling surface of the sea.
Kieren Walker + not taking any of Simon’s shit
ORLANDO BLOOM PUNCHED JUSTIN BIEBER IN THE FACE
ORLANDO BLOOM PUNCHED JUSTIN BIEBER IN THE FACE
- ORLANDO BLOOM PunCHED KJUSTIN BIEBER IN THE FCACE
- ORLAND O
- IN THE FUCKING FACE
Eliot: Listen, I take thinly sliced turkey, all right? I pan-sear it with some Sweet Maui onions, all right? Then I put a slice of Dill Havarti cheese and another slice of an heirloom tomato. All that goes on an everything bagel, and I make my own garlic-and-green-onion cream-cheese spread. That’s forgettable? I don’t think so.
steve rogers and bucky barnes get together and swear like sailors as the other avengers look on in horror
can you imagine them during a fight though
*bucky shoots something directly to the left of steve’s head* ‘BUCKY WHAT THE FUCK YOU ALMOST SHOT ME YOU SHITNUGGET’ (but they both know he’s kidding because bucky does. not. miss. especially when steve’s life is on the line)
and bucky just responds ‘YOU MOTHERFUCKER FUCKING TRUST ME YOU DOUCHECANOE’
meanwhile tony is yelling over the comm that he has more important things to deal with right now than an existential crisis over the fact that american heroes that children have looked up to for decades say Very Bad Words
as it is probably obvious, i am not in estonia at the moment & will have limited chances for wifi until the end of the trip (which is on the 5th or 6th of august). however, i will try to post a daily Thing on instagram & also post them on my blog, so. yeah.